I had always wanted to own an authentic Surgical mask little did I know that when I got one it would be in the Intensive Care Unit of the San Fernando Hospital where my Dad is staying. I clearly remember Miguel saying you've always wanted one of those masks & now you have one but I never imagined that the first time I acquired one would be in such a devastating, hurtful, fucked up situation. I've had dust masks & I have a small collection of gas masks but never a surgical mask till now. I was surprised Miguel remembered my longing for one but in a way I wish he wouldn't have said what he said when he said it because it made me feel even worse. He held me in his arms as I cried as I wished that I was dreaming because it all feels like a fucking nightmare that I will never wake up from. The first night we found out he was at the Hospital and we came back home I seemed ok but when we turned off the lights and crawled into bed I started sobbing during prayer. Miguel woke up wrapped his arms around me and promised me that everything was going to be ok, that my Dad was going to survive mainly because he say's he has this sixth sense where he can feel when someone is going to die. He didn't want to see me suffering so he told me not to cry and started to do things to make me laugh and while it worked for awhile & I was able to sleep the next morning, I was a mess again.
It doesn't matter what my Father has done in the past I will always love him no matter what. He's just like me I'm pretty much him in female form and to lose him would mean to lose myself. Today I could not go see him as I got out from work at 6 PM & visits are only till 7 PM there was no way I was going to be able to make it down to San Fernando Hospital in a bus or in a taxi on time. Miguel changed schedules again so it makes it even harder but today at work they told me that I could take time off during any day I wanted to go see my Dad which I am very thankful for.
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