Farewell

My Grandma passed away recently & we were given 2 day's vacation from work to go to her funeral. It was a long trip 7 + hours but I was used to making that trip every Easter Sunday since I was a child. We left Panama at 1 AM early Thursday morning to head out on the dark road to our next stop Santiago, Veraguas where my Mom lives. We had to be there by 5 AM being that we had to head out to Quebro, Veraguas (My Mom's hometown) by 6 AM. Grandma's body would be traveling from Panama City to Quebro at 3 AM. I think it hurt me more in 2011 when I first heard she had her stroke & got really sick. At the time I was visiting my friend Hilary in California & I remember we were sitting in her truck & my Sister phoned me to tell me the bad news I could feel myself dying inside & I felt selfish that I had been having such a good time in the States. Hilary & Bryan were really supportive at the time & I was really thankful for that.

When I walked into the room where my Grandma lay my Cousin told me that she was told that she wanted a fancy coffin that she would take nothing less & had they given her a cheap coffin she would have been really upset. Grandma Pina had been sick for 3 years lying in bed in a vegetable state so it was easier for me to let go when I heard that she had passed. I rarely went to visit her as I never liked to see her in that state I was used to this vibrant hard working woman that was never lazy & would get up at the crack of dawn to feed her chickens & make breakfast for anyone that was currently staying with her at the time. When I told my Mom I wouldn't visit when she was hospitalized a few days ago she got really upset & almost hung up on me but after awhile I think she understood. 

The day of the funeral at mass the Priest said something along the lines of  "Don't think of her death as if it's God taken her away from you think of it as goodbye and a celebration of life. Think of it as she has already lived her life and she is finally going to be at peace with the Lord." When he said that it made me cry so much because really what other place is better than by his side?  I thank God that she is no longer suffering or in pain now she is resting in peace in the land of Heaven. I know that when my time comes I hope to be by her side also. My Sister had me read a story by her part since she could not attend the funeral I was shaking & crying as I read the excerpt in front of the entire church. The hardest thing for me was seeing my Mom suffer her hands were shaking as I held them and as much as she tried to hide her tears she could not my Mom is a really strong woman and often tries to hide her feelings but in a way I'm glad she could not hold those tears back because she really needed to grieve, she really needed to feel. I hugged each and everyone of my family members as we mourned together as we said our last goodbye.